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77 Bible Verses about Funny Verses

2 Kings 2:23-24 ESV / 7 helpful votes

He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.

Malachi 2:3 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Behold, I will rebuke your offspring, and spread dung on your faces, the dung of your offerings, and you shall be taken away with it.

Proverbs 27:14 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.

Ezekiel 23:19-20 ESV / 4 helpful votes

Yet she increased her whoring, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt and lusted after her lovers there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like that of horses.

Proverbs 21:19 ESV / 4 helpful votes

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Numbers 22:28-30 ESV / 4 helpful votes

Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” And Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me. I wish I had a sword in my hand, for then I would kill you.” And the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey, on which you have ridden all your life long to this day? Is it my habit to treat you this way?” And he said, “No.”

1 John 1:9 ESV / 3 helpful votes

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Philippians 2:2 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Romans 10:9 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Romans 8:1-39 ESV / 3 helpful votes

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. ...

John 3:16-17 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

John 3:16 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Ezekiel 16:17 ESV / 3 helpful votes

You also took your beautiful jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given you, and made for yourself images of men, and with them played the whore.

Isaiah 36:12 ESV / 3 helpful votes

But the Rabshakeh said, “Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the men sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and drink their own urine?”

Ecclesiastes 2:24 ESV / 3 helpful votes

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God,

Proverbs 31:6 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress;

Proverbs 29:20 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Proverbs 27:15-16 ESV / 3 helpful votes

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand.

Proverbs 17:17 ESV / 3 helpful votes

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 5:18-19 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

2 Kings 18:27 ESV / 3 helpful votes

But the Rabshakeh said to them, “Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the men sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and to drink their own urine?”

2 Kings 9:20 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Again the watchman reported, “He reached them, but he is not coming back. And the driving is like the driving of Jehu the son of Nimshi, for he drives furiously.”

2 Samuel 10:4 ESV / 3 helpful votes

So Hanun took David's servants and shaved off half the beard of each and cut off their garments in the middle, at their hips, and sent them away.

Deuteronomy 22:5 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.

Deuteronomy 14:21 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“You shall not eat anything that has died naturally. You may give it to the sojourner who is within your towns, that he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner. For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. “You shall not boil a young goat in its mother's milk.

Genesis 1:29-30 ESV / 3 helpful votes

And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so.

1 John 4:18 ESV / 2 helpful votes

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

1 John 4:8 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:1 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

1 John 3:18 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 John 3:1-24 ESV / 2 helpful votes

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. You know that he appeared in order to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. ...

James 1:21 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

Hebrews 4:12 ESV / 2 helpful votes

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Colossians 3:5 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

Galatians 1:1-24 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Paul, an apostle—not from men nor through man, but through Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead— and all the brothers who are with me, To the churches of Galatia: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen. ...

2 Corinthians 5:10 ESV / 2 helpful votes

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Romans 8:28 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Acts 20:9 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And a young man named Eutychus, sitting at the window, sank into a deep sleep as Paul talked still longer. And being overcome by sleep, he fell down from the third story and was taken up dead.

John 6:1-71 ESV / 2 helpful votes

After this Jesus went away to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberias. And a large crowd was following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing on the sick. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there he sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?” ...

Luke 6:21 ESV / 2 helpful votes

“Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. “Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.

Mark 14:51-52 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And a young man followed him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. And they seized him, but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked.

Daniel 4:1-37 ESV / 2 helpful votes

King Nebuchadnezzar to all peoples, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth: Peace be multiplied to you! It has seemed good to me to show the signs and wonders that the Most High God has done for me. How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion endures from generation to generation. I, Nebuchadnezzar, was at ease in my house and prospering in my palace. I saw a dream that made me afraid. As I lay in bed the fancies and the visions of my head alarmed me. ...

Ezekiel 23:20 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And lusted after her lovers there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like that of horses.

Ezekiel 4:15 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Then he said to me, “See, I assign to you cow's dung instead of human dung, on which you may prepare your bread.”

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV / 2 helpful votes

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 20:9 ESV / 2 helpful votes

If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.

Song of Solomon 8:8 ESV / 2 helpful votes

We have a little sister, and she has no breasts. What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for?

Song of Solomon 5:4 ESV / 2 helpful votes

My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 ESV / 2 helpful votes

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Proverbs 26:11 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.

Proverbs 15:17 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.

Proverbs 11:14 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 10:12 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Psalm 137:9 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Blessed shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock!

Psalm 119:1-176 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the Lord! Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways! You have commanded your precepts to be kept diligently. Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statutes! ...

Psalm 37:1-40 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Of David. Fret not yourself because of evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. ...

Psalm 23:1-6 ESV / 2 helpful votes

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ...

Job 13:5 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Oh that you would keep silent, and it would be your wisdom!

2 Chronicles 11:21 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Rehoboam loved Maacah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and concubines (he took eighteen wives and sixty concubines, and fathered twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters).

1 Chronicles 16:11 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!

2 Kings 6:29 ESV / 2 helpful votes

So we boiled my son and ate him. And on the next day I said to her, ‘Give your son, that we may eat him.’ But she has hidden her son.”

2 Kings 6:1-6 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Now the sons of the prophets said to Elisha, “See, the place where we dwell under your charge is too small for us. Let us go to the Jordan and each of us get there a log, and let us make a place for us to dwell there.” And he answered, “Go.” Then one of them said, “Be pleased to go with your servants.” And he answered, “I will go.” So he went with them. And when they came to the Jordan, they cut down trees. But as one was felling a log, his axe head fell into the water, and he cried out, “Alas, my master! It was borrowed.” ...

1 Kings 18:27 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”

2 Samuel 21:20 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And there was again war at Gath, where there was a man of great stature, who had six fingers on each hand, and six toes on each foot, twenty-four in number, and he also was descended from the giants.

1 Samuel 18:25 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king's enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines.

1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king's enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king's son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.

Judges 4:17-21 ESV / 2 helpful votes

But Sisera fled away on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. And Jael came out to meet Sisera and said to him, “Turn aside, my lord; turn aside to me; do not be afraid.” So he turned aside to her into the tent, and she covered him with a rug. And he said to her, “Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty.” So she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink and covered him. And he said to her, “Stand at the opening of the tent, and if any man comes and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say, ‘No.’” But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died.

Deuteronomy 23:13 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement.

Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV / 2 helpful votes

“No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 ESV / 2 helpful votes

“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Leviticus 10:1-2 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Now Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer and put fire in it and laid incense on it and offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, which he had not commanded them. And fire came out from before the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord.

Genesis 38:28-29 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And when she was in labor, one put out a hand, and the midwife took and tied a scarlet thread on his hand, saying, “This one came out first.” But as he drew back his hand, behold, his brother came out. And she said, “What a breach you have made for yourself!” Therefore his name was called Perez.

Genesis 28:11 ESV / 2 helpful votes

And he came to a certain place and stayed there that night, because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones of the place, he put it under his head and lay down in that place to sleep.

Genesis 5:27 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Thus all the days of Methuselah were 969 years, and he died.

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